They say that those with ADHD repeat watching the same TV shows and movies over and over instead of new ones. That somehow knowing what's coming is soothing. Regardless of its veracity, I am a practicing believer, as NARCOS is playing as my current background soundtrack for at least the third time. I watched Ozark front to back for the umpteenth time prior to this and have to forcefully keep myself from starting Breaking Bad again. The mind wants what the mind wants and I'll take my violence predictable, soothing and in Spanish with subtitles,thanks.
This morning I almost did the same but with an audiobook. 11-22-63 by Stephen King. Thirty hours of listening if you're scoring at home, which I am. I'm always scoring at home.
This, despite the fact that I have four books by my bed that I've started and can't seem to push my way through. I blame this part and parcel on my phone and scrolling, but also upon the books. If a book grabs me. I will read it nonstop until it's done. These four have loose hands and no grip.
These situations nag and tug. Should I force myself to gut out the previous four or should I start anew on something that I believe will be more interesting? While this isn't life changing stuff, it's just one of seemingly a million choices I have to make daily, none to be made without carefully considering if everything surrounding said choice is perfect. A million decisions before a million decisions. This is the loop that creates one layer of what the outside world sees as procrastination. There are a million layers. An onion inside a million onions.
And so. I (We) spin.
//
Or we don't. The other alternative is starting headlong on every idea. I can in one sitting be convinced that this idea is perfect from jump. That this is the one that will take me to some promised land. It's tenets so strong that I'm amazed no one's thought of it before. They always seem so simple. So I shift and I jump. Confident and hopeful.
By Wednesday I wonder what I was thinking.
I will say that of late, my foot has remained planted on the brakes. I won't allow any starting. I just stumble along in my current commitments.
Bored, but patient.
//
When I first started writing and sharing on a deeper level it was like people couldn't believe it. First, I don't think they could believe I was wracked with depression and second, sharing it openly. Over time I came to believe that everyone was like this. That depression was more people than not's default. Everyone was not like this. The show was just too good to not watch.
Still it helped those who needed it and seemed to give me a bit of a reprieve.
As a rule I try and keep the darker stuff away. I write it still but I don't feel as compelled to share it. Turns out that too much of anything is actually too much.
I guess this is just a reminder to those that struggle that you aren't alone out there. That you and I remain undefeated against bad days.
That today is as good a day as any to have a good day.
That NARCOS is still great. Or The Office re-runs or whatever makes you happy (except Friends, that was some hot garbage…okay, okay, even Friends).
Also, here's 1990's one hit wonder LEN's 1999 song, Steal My Sunshine.
It'll bring 4:25 of goodness to your morning.
#hugsandhi5s
It worked! Never knew the sad words of this iconic tune, but so upbeat! I'm feeling better to start my day.
I'm both saddened and inspired by your writings. Both you're openness and your writing style keep me hooked. But I don't know how to console. I want to, but feel I have little to offer.
Maybe just the knowledge that my day was inspired will help yours.
BIG Hugs...and a high 5 my friend. Keep writing!
Thank you for the daily dose of inspiration! Didn’t know you have ADHD but always thought of you as a kindred spirit - and now know why. Fast brains have we.